5 Things No One Talks About During Pregnancy
When it comes to pregnancy we hear a lot about how amazing it is, how excited we must be, that we are doing such an incredible thing and yada yada yada. While growing a human life is all those things, there are quite a few really tough things a mother-to-be goes through internally alone that no one addresses, especially as an athlete. I have been fortunate enough to be pregnant at the same time as a few of my friends and we were able to sit down and commiserate together about our experiences. I am sure there are a plethora of things that could be talked about, but here are the five biggest hurdles we had to and still are going through during our pregnancies.
The guilt of not loving or enjoying pregnancy
There are women out there who absolutely LOVE being pregnant, friend of mine is one of them. You hear them talk about it all the time! How excited they are, how incredible they feel, how they are glowing and fart daisies. Then there are those of us who don’t share that same passion for it and there is a huge sense of guilt that goes along with that. “Why am I like this?” “Why don’t I feel the same way?” “Something must be wrong with me.” “Everyone tells me I am doing such an incredible thing, why am I so miserable?” “I already love my baby, but I am hating pregnancy, why, why, why, why?” It’s like going to war with yourself and it takes a hell of a mental toll.
I am glowing! Pregnancy looks great on me, yet I still fell into that second category, especially in those first 3 months. My first trimester was terrible. I was sick 70 percent of it, I couldn’t focus on anything and was forcing myself to try and find the positive in all of it. As excited as I am for my baby, I can’t help but want it to be over. Luckily second trimester was physically better for me, but I know some women who aren’t so lucky and are riddled with guilt. Now, I am entering my third trimester as summer is deciding to make an appearance… can anyone say major chub rub? I am here to tell you you are not alone and it is completely ok to feel that way. There isn’t anything wrong with you for not enjoying pregnancy. There are more of us out there than you think, the guilt just keeps some of us from talking about it.
Constant anxiety that something is wrong with the baby
“Can I do this?” “ Can I eat that?” “What if I do it wrong?” “He hasn’t kicked in a while, is he still alive?”
As if being pregnant wasn’t stressful enough, your brain becomes your own worst enemy and you find yourself googling EVERYTHING from what exercises you can do to if you harmed your baby by accidentally eating feta cheese in your salad without thinking. Especially in that first trimester when everything is hitting you all at once. The mental hoola hoops you are going through is enough to drive any person insane!
What makes it worse is when someone tries to tell you, “think of the positive things,” “stop stressing yourself out,” “quit thinking of the scary what ifs and look at all the things that could go right!” What, do they think we want to think of all these things? It just happens and sometimes we spiral. What we need is an understanding ear, not unsolicited advice.
Grieving the loss of the athletic body you worked so hard for
For us athletes, this is a tough one… I was talking to a friend of mine, also currently pregnant, who is a setter at a climbing gym. We got into talking about how we can’t climb as hard as we used to, how we had to make the difficult decision of transitioning into top roping, and for her the tough decision of stopping setting. Everyone keeps telling us that we are doing an incredible thing, and that our bodies are doing such an amazing things and not to worry because we will get our bodies back, but I feel like they’re missing the point entirely. We know that, but also, we might or might not depending on how recovery goes and what not but it feels like everyone is minimizing our grief in their attempt to make us feel better. The recovery, and getting our bodies back could take months to years to get back, and not to say that we won’t ever get it back, but just let us grieve. It is really hard right now, our bodies are changing our a lot, our center of gravity is not the same, our bodies are so much heavier, and it’s getting harder and harder to hold on. After working for years, sometimes decades to have the strong bodies that we have, to feel it slipping away, no matter how incredible the reason, is a scary thing. We aren’t able to do the things we used to do and it takes a mental toll that it can be crushing to the ego. So the next time someone “tries to make, you feel better“, gently, let them know that while you appreciate their intention, to just let you grieve.
Grieving the loss the life you had before a child
“Your life is going to change“ how many times have we all heard that since the inception of our pregnancy? Countless, it seems, endless! “Best change of your life!” some will say, “you’re life is over…” says others. Whether it be good or bad or whatever you make of it, it is hugely going to be changed forever. For one, I am very excited for this change, to be able to take my munchkin on every adventure with me but I’m not deluded to think it’s not going to be different. It will be harder, for sure! More work, more mouths to feed, more things to take into consideration and think about, sacrifices to be made. It’s not just me or just about me anymore and it never will be again. As beautiful as it will be, doesn’t make it any easier to give up!
Mourning the loss of the “Groove” you had
As I am writing this I am nearing the end of my baby moon which has made this last point more apparent than ever. While it has been absolutely incredible, there are so many things I would’ve have done but I couldn’t do because of being pregnant; so many things I could not eat. Para sailing, scuba diving, deep water soloing, hiking/climb a waterfall, eating charcuterie, getting proper wasted in an unknown country with the locals… Not to say that I can’t go back and do those things when baby has had made his appearance to the world, but I still can’t help but have that feeling of missing out. Of course, we look to the bright side of things and make the best of it, but it doesn’t dismiss the feelings we have.
Nevertheless, the trip has still be incredible. I was forced to take everything slow and relax, which is something I’m not exactly used to on a vacation. Reading under a canapé on the beach, taking a boat ride to take a nap on another beach, taking a leisurely stroll, having a refreshing mocktail by the water with locals. A side of vacationing I had yet to tap into. I think that when we travel, for me at least, we feel this need to fit everything in, see all the sights, do all the activities and we forget to be still and truly enjoy our destination for all its beauty instead of jumping from activity to activity.
What have you felt or are feeling during your pregnancy that no one talks about?
